Update

(The lost sheep, modern By Liz Lemon Swindle)

I believe we can all be found..

:) So Tuesday was wonderful.
The interview went better than I could have imagined and was more than I was asking for. (not in a bad way) I had prayed asking for my heart to be lifted, and for understanding of my hearts desires. I was thinking I would have to go a little while longer with the chains around my leg and cloud over my head. I am not going to into great detail as this is something to my heart and soul. But I didn't know how much I was carrying over me until it was gone.
I'll just say it's been a very long time since I've felt this good and knew that life was good. I feel that I have a new start on life. I see that my goals are getting closer, and I am so excited for what is down the road.
It's sad to think that I was walking around with all that on me thinking, that I couldn't get better. It's like a throne in the side, and sadly after having it for a long time, its like you get use to that pain and forget what it is like to not have it there anymore.
It just shows that we are never truly lost if we just have the courage to change our life all the hurt and pain can be gone and replaced with peace and love.
I am grateful for my trials though, because I truly appreciate the blessing, and I believe it will make me a better person and stronger. ( What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger) I believe we have trial for reasons and know that they can be overcome. So things are moving forward, and life is coming together :)

Exciting day :)

For me today has been great :) It's been a trying few weeks.
I am trying to go back to church and I have lots of reasons that it is hard for me.
Morning
Jake not going with me
I dont know anyone
I haven't been (lets be honest here) in 5 yrs(but for a couple times when I have gont home)
I dont have sunday clothes (modest sunday clothes)
With the above stated I feel as though I stand out more. ( I remember when I was active and I would see new young couples come to church you always knew they havent been active because they dressed more like going out than church)
I have other excuses ( and that is what they are excuses )
So with my big picture in my heart that I see and want so badly this is one of the steps I have had to get to.
I talked to Jake last night, if he knew how to go about talking to our Bishop. (see long time since I have gone) I have never repented for things or needed to (cause I wasnt going) I expressed my feelings, that this is what I want to do, I want to go to church, and I want to go to the temple. I also don't want to half ass it either.
I think that is why I needed my trials of being away from the church. It has given me the blessing of knowing how important it is, to live right, to be a good person.
To not go to church because we have to, but because we want to, we are blessed to be able to go. So after much talking last night. I said a prayer asking for help to help me with being able to find the right time to talk to the bishop. I am very nervous about this. As my last bishop was a wonderful man, my neighbor for all of my life and had a kind heart and understanding, and once again I hadn't need to repent then.
Today while sitting waiting for church to start, the bishop came over like he had in the past Sundays and said hello, and told me they had just been talking about me and Jake, and he had been thinking of us. He then said I would like to get you and Jake in my office. I smiled and I felt my heart lifted and told him I would like to meet with him myself. So to sum it up cause this part of my day is getting long (sorry)
I am meeting with him on Tuesday. I know to all of you who are active and all this is no big deal. For me this is :) and most of all this is a step in the right direction for me and my big picture. I love how the Lord works, I asked for help and was found :)
The 2nd part to my exciting day we bought our Hockey Tickets BOO YEA! Me, Jake, and Mom (his mom) are going to AZ. to see the Blackhawks on the 12th of Feb. So, so far today has been great and I am exciting for the good changes in my life.

The big picture (big Goals)

So with it being a new year, everyone sets goals and well I will admit I am one of those who has a hard time sticking to them. But I want this year to be the year. I have a few Big goals that I want so badly that I get frustrated because I often feel as though they are way out of my reach. I don't know any other words other than my hearts desire for these goals. I want to better myself, my life, my relationship (NOT THAT IT IS BAD) I am just tired of being comfortable in life and I expected more from myself so I am going to go get them.
I am excited because though it's only been about 3 weeks, so far I am working on all the little things to bring the big picture together. I feel great and I know it can only get better.
I have a few people who I see if they can get their goals, then I can too.
My sister is one of them, though we don't talk as often as I would like, she is amazing. She has lost sooo much weight, has worked hard to lose it too, She has 4 beautiful kids who are well mannered (90% of the time, still better than most) I look up to that, cause with her busy life style she still manages to keep a clean house, and workout. ( I dont know if she gets much sleep though)
That brings me to the next person, My Mom.. She watches my sisters kids. I often feel bad because I wasn't always as helpful as I should have been. She always has a clean house, she worked when I was kid, and she always had dinner ready. She put us kids first. She would go to the store and without fail bring something home for one of us girls. I don't think we see how much our parents give us until we move out, and how much they do for us..
My husband is also someone I admire. When things upset me, he is always there with a calm head on his shoulders. He works hard for the both of us and pushes me to meet my goals. I know if I ever need something I can go to him,he knows my deepest secrets, fears,and all my dreams and he still loves me. I know I never have to be anything or anyone but me, and I can never thank him enough for that..
There's a few other people who I look up to, who make me want to be a better person, most of them are because they are great people, but then there are some who make me want to be a better person because I want to be nothing like them.
With that I am working on making things happen, and will keep posted. :)

YES I KNOW IT'S EARLY

So I cannot help myself, I love Valentines, I love red, I love hearts, and well I love love and the person that I am in love with.
Christmas was great, we slept in opened gifts, I got spoiled as always by Jake :) He is to good to me. We hung out with the family and enjoyed each others time.
Tuesday after Christmas I went to visit my Family up in Utah. It was perfect, it's so great to spend time with my parents, sister, and the kids. Me and my parents had breakfast together and got to catch up. I hope they know that I am so blessed to have them in my life. My sisters are always fun to be around, I couldn't be more proud of Stephanie as she now fits into my jean. She has been so tough on herself to lose weight and looks amazing. (a little jealous) Danielle is doing good, she works hard and is getting her life together and is just the sweetest little sister I could have.
As for the babies and boys, I want them, I wish I could just put my order in and have kids like them. I was able to babysit the twins which was more fun for me than anyone.
It's just wonderful to see everyone in a happy place in life. Like the saying. We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.
I am thankful for my family and Jakes which is also part of my family. I cannot ask for better.
As for the new year, I have lots of goal, in which I'd rather keep secret (like a wish, if you say it, it won't come true :) I know I am cheesy but well I am going to try it) I so want this year to be the year that things come together for us, for me and just life. I am excited for this new year and am filled with hope.
I will have to post pictures of the holidays.